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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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No comment is a comment.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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