Quote

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Haven
Says
Wonder
Someone
Always
Impatient
Genuine
Havens

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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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