Quote

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Genuine
Havens
Haven
Says
Wonder
Someone
Always
Impatient

More quotes by George Carlin

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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
George Carlin
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
George Carlin
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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