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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Wouldn
Comedy
Funny
Going
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Genuine

More quotes by George Carlin

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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
George Carlin
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
George Carlin
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
George Carlin
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
George Carlin
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin