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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Concealing
Tool
Genuine
Tools
Large
Language
Truth

More quotes by George Carlin

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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
George Carlin
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
George Carlin
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
George Carlin
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
George Carlin
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
George Carlin
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
George Carlin
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
George Carlin
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
George Carlin
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
George Carlin
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George Carlin
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
George Carlin
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
George Carlin