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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Atheism
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Atheist
More quotes by George Carlin
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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