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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Liberty
Dump
Fire
Sarcasm
Fighting
Libertarian
Freedom
Fighter
Peace
Comedian
Funny
Crime
Wells
Fight
Well
Comedy
Fighters
More quotes by George Carlin
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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