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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Food
Floor
Funny
Witty
Three
Comedian
Two
Beer
Humorous
Drinking
Humor
Tequila
Comedy
Sarcastic
More quotes by George Carlin
You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
George Carlin
Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
George Carlin
It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
George Carlin
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
George Carlin
On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George Carlin
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George Carlin
Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
George Carlin
There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
George Carlin
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
George Carlin
The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
George Carlin
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
George Carlin
Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
George Carlin
