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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Drinking
Humor
Tequila
Comedy
Sarcastic
Food
Floor
Funny
Witty
Three
Comedian
Two
Beer
More quotes by George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
All music is the blues. All of it.
George Carlin
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
George Carlin
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George Carlin
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
