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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Drinking
Humor
Tequila
Comedy
Sarcastic
Food
Floor
Funny
Witty
Three
Comedian
Two
Beer
Humorous
More quotes by George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
George Carlin
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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No comment is a comment.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
