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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Feelings
Odd
Chocolate
Bars
Genuine
Eating
Sitting
Toilet
Comedy
Toilets
Feeling
Candy
More quotes by George Carlin
Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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