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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Feeling
Candy
Feelings
Odd
Chocolate
Bars
Genuine
Eating
Sitting
Toilet
Comedy
Toilets
More quotes by George Carlin
I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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