Quote

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Authority
Comedy
Humorists
Religion
Pope
Funny
Witty
Power
Comedian
Many
Humorous
Much
Atheist
Believe
Atheism

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
Image
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
Image
When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
Image
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
Image
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
George Carlin
Image
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
Image
Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
Image
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
George Carlin
Image
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
Image
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
Image
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
Image
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
Image
All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
George Carlin
Image
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
Image
Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
George Carlin
Image
Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
George Carlin
Image
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
George Carlin
Image
If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
Image
Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
George Carlin
Image
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
George Carlin