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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorists
Comedy
Pope
Religion
Witty
Funny
Comedian
Power
Humorous
Many
Atheist
Much
Atheism
Believe
People
Authority

More quotes by George Carlin

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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Your home is your refuge.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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