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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Way
Humorous
Forces
Evil
Funny
Wickedness
Force
Sarcastic
House
Witty
Become
Comedian
May
Confused

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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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