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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Desperate
Usually
Philosophy
Care
Think
Thinking
People
Bullied
Bullying

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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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