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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Genuine
Universe
Lows
True
Perception
Littles
Species
Little
Perspective
Humor
Sleet
Alone
Aimed
Rather
Settled

More quotes by George Carlin

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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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