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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Rather
Settled
Funny
Genuine
Universe
Lows
True
Perception
Littles
Species
Little
Perspective
Humor
Sleet
Alone
Aimed

More quotes by George Carlin

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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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