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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Born
Seats
Shows
Comedian
America
Fronts
Front
Humor
Ticket
Philosophy
Tickets
Show
Seat
Funny
Freak

More quotes by George Carlin

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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Life is not that complicated.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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