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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Completely
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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