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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Two
Completely
Agnostic
Certain
Politics
Favor
Together
Religious
Separation
States
State
Comedian
Ideas
Church
Favors
Enough
Religion
Atheist
Atheistic
Idea
Institutions
Screw
Death
Atheism
Screws

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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Life is not that complicated.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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