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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Inside
Idealism
Funny
Skepticism
Persons
Cynicism
Person
Cynical
Every
Disappointed
Comedian
Cynic
Disappointment
Relatable
Humor
Idealist

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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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