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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sweat
Comedy
Funny
Reality
Sweaty
Things
Sweating
Life
Swallowing
Petty
Pet
More quotes by George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Language always gives you away.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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