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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Pet
Sweat
Comedy
Funny
Reality
Sweaty
Things
Sweating
Life
Swallowing
Petty

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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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