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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Stuck
Laughter
Gets
Goes
Belief
Dies
Frisbee
Funny
Afterlife
Soul
Roof

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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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