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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
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Film Actor
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Humorist
Journalist
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Existence
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More quotes by George Carlin
I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
George Carlin