Quote

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Asks
Funny
Dream
Work
Things
Never
Time
People
Humor

More quotes by George Carlin

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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
George Carlin
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
George Carlin
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
George Carlin
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
George Carlin
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin