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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Driving
Sarcastic
Inspirational
Safety
Traffic
Ever
Anger
Noticed
Complainers
Going
Car
Witty
Maniac
Life
Anybody
Comedian
Maniacs
Humor
Idiot
Slower
Comedy
Humorous
Moron
Anyone
Faster
Jerk

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Language always gives you away.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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