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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Going
Car
Witty
Maniac
Life
Anybody
Comedian
Maniacs
Humor
Idiot
Slower
Comedy
Humorous
Moron
Anyone
Faster
Jerk
Funny
Driving
Sarcastic
Inspirational
Safety
Traffic
Ever
Anger
Noticed
Complainers

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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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