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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Ever
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Slower
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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