Quote

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Smart
Forecast
Dark
Forecasts
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Tonight
Humorous
Weather
Laughter
Forecasting

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
Image
I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
George Carlin
Image
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
Image
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
Image
The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
George Carlin
Image
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin
Image
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
Image
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George Carlin
Image
It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
George Carlin
Image
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
Image
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
Image
Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
Image
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
George Carlin
Image
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
George Carlin
Image
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
Image
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
George Carlin
Image
We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
Image
I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
George Carlin
Image
Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
George Carlin