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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Weather
Forecasting
Laughter
Forecast
Smart
Forecasts
Dark
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Tonight

More quotes by George Carlin

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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
George Carlin
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
George Carlin
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
George Carlin
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
George Carlin
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
George Carlin
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
George Carlin
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
George Carlin
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin