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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Tonight
Humorous
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Laughter
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More quotes by George Carlin
I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
George Carlin
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
George Carlin
The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
George Carlin
What year did Jesus think it was?
George Carlin
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
George Carlin
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
George Carlin
We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin
When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
