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George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Weather
Laughter
Forecasting
Smart
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Dark
Forecasts
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Tonight
Humorous

More quotes by George Carlin

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All music is the blues. All of it.
George Carlin
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
George Carlin
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
George Carlin
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
George Carlin
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
George Carlin
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
George Carlin
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
George Carlin
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
George Carlin
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
George Carlin