Quote

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Years
Laughing
Repeats
Men
Went
Fishing
Waiting
Fell
Help
Fellow
Force
Fellows
Yelled
Helping
Straight
Overboard
Everything
Laugh
Drowned
Many
Habit
Repeat

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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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