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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
People
Went
Talk
Sense
Makes
Rubs
Kids
Stays
School
Meet
Kind
Anybody
Something
Says
More quotes by George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
George Burns
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns