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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Shows
Smoke
Think
Sing
Martinis
Thinking
Drink
Cigars
Life
Ought
Martini
People
Guy
Cigar
Age
Retire
Show
Retired
Business
Retiring

More quotes by George Burns

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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
George Burns
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns