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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Shows
Smoke
Think
Sing
Martinis
Thinking
Drink
Cigars
Life
Ought
Martini
People
Guy
Cigar
Age
Retire
Show
Retired
Business
Retiring
More quotes by George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
