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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Monroe
Marilyn
Cheat
Ugly
Married
Girl
More quotes by George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
As long as you're working, you stay young.
George Burns
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
George Burns
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
