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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Monroe
Marilyn
Cheat
Ugly
Married
Girl

More quotes by George Burns

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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
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Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
George Burns
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns