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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Married
Girl
Monroe
Marilyn
Cheat
Ugly
More quotes by George Burns
I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns
I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns
