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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Ways
Alone
Dies
Best
Many
Way
Bed

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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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