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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Right
Smoke
Coffee
Drink
Hand
Talk
Left
Hands

More quotes by George Burns

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As long as you're working, you stay young.
George Burns
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
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How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
George Burns
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
George Burns
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns