Quote

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Drink
Hand
Talk
Left
Hands
Right
Smoke
Coffee

More quotes by George Burns

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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns