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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Benny
Scotch
Jack
Rocks
Bring
Party
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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