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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Benny
Scotch
Jack
Rocks
Bring
Party

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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
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