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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Rocks
Bring
Party
Benny
Scotch
Jack

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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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