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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Either
Everyone
Running
Government
Screwed
Things
Driving
Surprise
Cutting
Hair

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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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