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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Hill
Hills
Rather
More quotes by George Burns
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
George Burns
I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
George Burns