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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Hill
Hills
Rather

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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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