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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Jogging
Spills
Makes
Never
Martini
Spill

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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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As long as you're working, you stay young.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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