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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Martini
Spill
Jogging
Spills
Makes
Never

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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I get a standing ovation just standing
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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