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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Never
Martini
Spill
Jogging
Spills
Makes

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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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