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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Jogging
Spills
Makes
Never
Martini
Spill

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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
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Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
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I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
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I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
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