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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Thrill
Pool
Shoot
Putting
Sex
Even
Holder
Trying
Cigar
Like
Rope
More quotes by George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.
George Burns
In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
George Burns
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
George Burns
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
