Quote

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Stop
Purposes
Start
Joke
Purpose
Smoke
Use
Mouth
Tell
Mouths
Next
Jokes
Take
Laugh
Cigar
Long
Laughing
Timing

More quotes by George Burns

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Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
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Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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