Quote

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Stop
Purposes
Start
Joke
Purpose
Smoke
Use
Mouth
Tell
Mouths
Next
Jokes
Take
Laugh
Cigar
Long
Laughing
Timing

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Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
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I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
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Life's but a day at most.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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