Quote

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Long
Laughing
Timing
Stop
Purposes
Start
Joke
Purpose
Smoke
Use
Mouth
Tell
Mouths
Next
Jokes
Take
Laugh
Cigar

More quotes by George Burns

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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
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Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
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When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
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The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
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