Quote

I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
Mouth
Use
Mouths
Tell
Jokes
Next
Laugh
Cigar
Take
Laughing
Timing
Long
Stop
Purposes
Start
Joke
Smoke
Purpose

More quotes by George Burns

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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
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I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
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If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
George Burns
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I get a standing ovation just standing
George Burns
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I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
George Burns
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And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
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In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
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At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
George Burns
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If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
George Burns
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Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
George Burns
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
George Burns