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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
George Burns
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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
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New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
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More quotes by George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
George Burns
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
George Burns
I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
George Burns
It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'
George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns
As long as you're working, you stay young.
George Burns
When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.
George Burns
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns
Life's but a day at most.
George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns
