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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
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Number
Grandchildren
Two
Move
Phone
Kids
Numbers
Humorous
Might
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Phones
Hard
Since
Obviously
Made
Fact
Seven
Something
Moving
Havens
Facts
Haven
Telephones

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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
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It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
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If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Let me get one thing straight I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
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It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
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Say Goodnight Gracie.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
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