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Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

George Burns

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George Burns
Age: 100 †
Born: 1896
Born: January 20
Died: 1996
Died: March 9
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Street Artist
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Nathan Birnbaum
George N. Burns
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Seven
Something
Moving
Havens
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Two
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Phones

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What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
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Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
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Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
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I use the cigar for timing purposes. If I tell a joke, I smoke as long as they laugh and when they stop laughing I take the cigar out of my mouth and start my next joke.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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Life's but a day at most.
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Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
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Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .
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I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
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Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
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With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
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I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
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I did go to school - my kind of school. When I was a kid I went out ... and you meet people. You talk to them. Anybody says something that makes sense, it stays with you, rubs off on you. That kind of school.
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How can I die? I'm booked.
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I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
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There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
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Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
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